ok i've kept it ta muhself long enuff....lol
i swear i've been dodgin so many questions bout da weddin,lol...i wanted to not hafta repeat muhself to everyone n their uncle so i made even da nearest n dearest wait til now....lol..
okies well the saga started wednesday night..
oh n btw...i skipped outta spawn class last week..i had no urge to be there for their last "centers"..i was jus afraid i wuz gonna get stuck makin "zebra zack" who do i think i'm kiddin?..LOL..i went n rented a slew of movies n then came home n laid in da sun...after da previous weeks "torchin" of da epidermis i was pleased wiff da color situation...
soooo...ahh yes wednseday night we made our phone calls..i called eileen to make sure she hadn't fled da country n to make sure i knew where i wuz goin..after da dry run da movie star n i went on i felt confident i could get there n not end up in buffalo..lol..then hubby called his aunt (whose daughter was to babysit da day of da weddin)...well apparently me callin n settin this date 2 months before meant nuttin, iffen he hadn't called they woulda left for camp friday mornin, thus leavin us sitterless... his furkin family i tell ya...she could still do it but she couldn't get here til later in the day so he'd hafta miss the church..no big deal cept i'm in da furkin thing..ah well...can't win em all...
thursday night oh bout lets see kids go to bed at 7:30 on a schoolnite, well hmm lets see..ahh yes well at bout 8:45 ...da motherlesbianinlaw decides to come visit wiff da movie stars grandmother n "casey" to see da kids since they'd be away on vacation for a week...wut-ever...lol....i wasn't pleased but again...ah well...fine, they left..see ya next week,lol..ahh peace,lol...
friday went pretty smoothly fer most of da day, although da nerves startin kickin in bigtime...i tryed remainin calm...then danny showed up....lol..."ready to bust yer ass?"...furker..lol...he was watchin da kiddoes while da movie star did da grocery shoppin..alone..(i swear i was cringin thinkin i'd come home to an empty fridg n all da little debbie snacks ya could ever want)...LOL..so i wuz off...i battled da rush hour traffic n made it to da church perfectly on time...eileen wuz outside n i chatted wiff her a bit before we went in...then we went in, i was scopin...i saw a guy, not bad i'm thinkin, but i didn't ask...then muh gf jen from high school showed up...hadn't seen her since MY weddin 7 years ago, lol...yeah we used ta be real close but she's in da air force n one of them there texans now...lol.....anywho, i showed her pics of muh brats n she introduced me to da flavor du jour...her boyfriend...lol...apparently he's one of them their floridians n jus got outta da air force...totally not da type she used ta bang every night back in hs, but hey, we all gotta grow up sometime..LOL...everyone shows up...i chatted a bit wiff pat da groom to be n he assured me he wuz fine, lol...uhhuh...so then da priest comes out...i swear he was a trip from da get go..soft spoken but whenever he talked it was funny...he asks the bridal party to go to da back of da church...we get down there n he starts linin people up...asks which lady will bravely go first..OH HELL NOOOOOO!!!...lol...i pushed jen out there, lmao..so she's first n he pairs her wiff eileens brother..lucky bitch at least she knew him,lol..then he calls me next..then asks who i'm with..eileen says.."she's with robbie"..n he steps up.....ya'll think I'M short?..lol...he's a lil guy maybe 5'5...lol...but a cutie, definitely do-able,lol....we're standin there, n everyone else lines up...then da priest is givin his instructions..we're facing him...tells the men.."keep to the right of the american fag"...yes he said fag...so help me jesus i lost it...i turned around n tried to hold it in, but dear lord above i lost it..i was dyin..poor guy kept talkin...jen lost it but regained herself..meanwhile i'm in tears..LMAO...ok ok i regain composure n turn around again...da priest then says.."now you women next because you are always the last ones to come"...OMG...i near pissed muhself....bein in a church i tried not to laff so loud but sweet jesus that was furkin HILARIOUS...i hadda be ten shades of red..but so was everyone else, lmao... at dat point i think robbie thought I was a freak fer sure,lol...so we take a dry run down da aisle, n i'm thinkin..its not so bad, small church...then we go thru all da pomp n circumstance n shit...then we go back up da aisle, this time arm in arm wiff our ushers...he tells me he's an idiot n we're perfect for each other, lmao...n i tell him i'm gonna trip n i'm gonna take him with me,lol...we were goofy but it was cute...then eileens mom hops in muh van n drives me to da grooms moms house..i'd been there before but being me they were sure i'd end up in buffalo, lol...was yer normal rehearsal dinner...lotta italian food which i like, n alotta chattin bout old days...thinkin robbie knew i was a freak fer sure when eileen started bustin out da old days of hs stories...I WAS AN ANGEL I SWEAR...LOL....it got to be like 9 p.m n i wasn't so thrilled bout goin home 45 minutes in da black night so we got our bridal party gifts (big ole basket of lotion, candles(pervs), sprays, soaps n a pearl necklace)..robbie asked me iffen i wuz goin out that night n i said no, then asked iffen i wuz goin wiff em ta breakfast da next mornin n i said no i hadda get muh hair done,lol...then i say.."ok lil man i'll see ya down da aisle"..LOL...he wasn't thrilled with "lil man"...but hey, i wouldn't be me iffen i didn't have sumfin ta say,lol...on muh way out i hit eileens brothers truck backin up.....i jus bumped it fer da luv....i told ya i don't like drivin in da dark....lol...felt bad tho...lol...i got home n danny wuz still parked in muh driveway...they're sittin wiff da meat locker open, its like negative 20 in muh house, n they have da damn surround sound goin high watchin some damn car show...lol..furkin men...gary assured me he got everything on da grocery list i left him n danny told me he had only one "incident"..apparently timmy was bitchin fer his orange juice cup, which he had left in his room, ...he tells danny he wants it, danny tells him to go get it..timmy tells danny whining..."u go get it"...danny says no, u go get it...to which timmy replied..."*sighin*..uncle danny..yer a pain in my ass"...LMAO...too funny, i luv dat kid,lol...i went thru da basket n checked out muh goodies, asked "i take it i'm sposed to wear these pearls tomorrow?"...both furkin men looked up from da tv, n simultaneously replied.."Duh"....furkers...i flipped em both off,lol...then danny left n i decided since i had a full day ahead i'd go to bed early...not even a sex call..lol...
saturday mornin i got right up, n started gettin stuff ready fer da kids..then i painted muh nails, got da camera ready, n alot of the odds n ends i'd hafta put in muh purse to take along...also got the card ready n stuffed a $50 in it...i woulda gotten da anniversary card ready fer dat party too but considerin da movie star got a 25th wedding anniversary card to "2 wonderful parents"..(they're muh aunt n uncle fer cryin out loud,lol)...i bypassed dat..i called mom, then it was time to get muh hair done..gary handed me a $50 n i was off..i got there n looked at a book n found a style i liked..."josephine" (aka..da older lady wiff da long island accent n 3 inch nails n bright pink lipstick) took me to her station n she got to work..an hour later i wuz done...$40 dollars, n a $10 tip i thanked her n left...i get home, the kids are freakin, they loved da hair, gary did too til i told him dat $50 wuz gone..lmao...he grabbed da camera n told me to turn around..n he took a pic of it.."there's $50 "..he says, lol...he's a nut...he got da kids lunch as i did da face paintin,lol...then he helped me into muh dress wiffout me killin da "fortune do"...nerves weren't too bad...i was calm...just excited...so we all load up into da van n they drop me off at eileens moms...i helped her get all ready then the "photographer wench from hell" showed up...she wuz such a bitch i thought ei's mom wuz gonna deck her, lmao...we took pics then the limo guy showed up..he wuz furkin hot,lol...the day was flyin by at this point...we all got in the limo n headed to da church..at da church when we all got out, i was the last bridesmaid to get out..eileen wuz still in there, i get up n start walkin towards da door n fall onto da seat..lol..eileen says.."ok theres yer fall".."shup", lol...we get escorted into this lil room in back n i swear it was like a room people would go into to watch an execution,lol..."dat a good sign?"..i say...lol..limo guy got a kick outta me,lol...then jen thought she got her "friend" so she went to check..lol..she wuz k,lmao...at this point da ring bearers mom decides to leave thinkin he'd be fine if she left...he starts SCREAMIN bloody murder..."mommy".."mommy"...she goes..we tryed calmin him but it wasn't happenin..poor kid...da maid of honor wuz like sayin shut up to da poor kid, eileen says its k if he goes...n i turn to da limo guy n ask him to take him to his mom...he did n all wuz well again..poor kid...church was not packed at all...WOOHOOOO!!!!...i made it to da end of da aisle wiffout fallin, n wuz pleased wiff da guy in da tux smilin when i got there...lol...we got thru da mass, i wuz hopin da priest would furk up his words again but he didn't, lol...i was also pleased i didn't cry..lol..she's a big girl tho no need fer dat,lol...n tell me this...why is it dat at every weddin da passage is always dat same furkin one about divorce, n how god doesn't believe in it?...i mean FURK, lol..poor jens been there done dat n well i'm not exactly da poster child fer a blissful union so it jus bewilders me,lol..they wanna scare ya er' wut?..lol...i jus laffed...n OMG i worried too much bout trippin when i shoulda been worried bout all dat damn up n down church stuff...holy hell i went to sit down after a readin er' sumfin n hadn't realized i nervously shuffled a lil to da left..go to sit down n THANK GOD i put muh hand down first cuz i woulda sat OFF da damn chair...omg THAT woulda sucked worse than trippin,LOL...
*sidenote*..it's now wednesday as i'm franticly typin this...i started it last night at bout 6pm,lol..
ok soooooooooooo...where wuz i?...lemme scroll...ok so hellifiknow wutever happened to "by the powers vested in me n blah blah blah..u may now kiss da bride"...well...father screwdawordsup presents em as a couple n they go on down da aisle...he then proceeds to wander down to the parents n da rest of us in da bridal party jus stood there completely confused, lol..guess we shoulda paid more attention friday night n less on da american fag n cummin last, LMAO!!!!...we finally jus paired up n started walkin...robbie helped me down off da steps n walkin up da aisle he was reassurin me i wouldn't fall then complimented on how i looked...awwww...in da back of da church we jus milled around a minute er' two then with no receiving line we all filtered into this 10 passenger limo (was 13 of us)..n headed to da park fer more pictures wiff da photographerbitchfromhell chick...so we park n all filter out, i'm last AGAIn, but i didn't fall this time,lol...i got water from da hottie driver n downed a few migraine pills cuz all 300 hairpins in muh "do" had finally given me da headache i knew wuz comin...i followed those by 2 glasses of champagne, then photographerbitchfromhell led us on a hike thru trees, n rock (in heels )...to a semi-shaded area of da park..(optimal picture light er some shit)..keep in mind i'm mumblin obscenities da whole way...n i must say, that both sides of da family were invited to da park as well fer pictures so bout 50 people showed n pictures were taken left n right...da bridal party wuz jus standin around holdin their empty champagne glasses,lol..wut does darlene do?......i tipped mine down n had wut wuz in da bottom of da glass splatter ALL ova da bottom of muh dress......this wasn't water dat jus dries up...this stained......it looked like i wuz havin a lil TOO much fun in dat limo, LMAO..robbies like "oh u goof"...n pictures hadn't been taken yet.....they took em creatively, lol...i had a scarf wiff da dress i kinda draped dat way n held it up a lil, lol...after pics we piled back into da limo n chugged about 3 more bottles of champagne..i think i took pics but then again i spilled champagne on da camera too..shhh movie star doesn't kno yet ...i called him from da limo to make sure he got there n he did, but they sat him at da wrong table..not dat he wuz complainin too much..i told him da chick from da bridal shower wiff da big ole tits would prolly be there being that she works wiff eileen n she wuz at his table, lol..he kept tellin me all night "they are AMAZING"...but apparently.."she's dumb as a stump tho"...oh n there wuz another chick at his table with amazing tits too,lol...i told him bout da dress disaster n dat we were en route,lol...
get to da reception hall n i wuz pretty damn buzzin,lol..i kno we had more to drink, think it wuz beer n wine...then we were gettin instructions to line up..this time WE hadda walk first......at da sound of our names called i dumped wine on da other side of muh dress n like da slob i wuz we walked up...LOL...then it wuz first dance time..robbie n i, lookin like 2 lil dwarfs looked cute together n we jus chatted a bit.."point out yer hubby fer me will ya?..so i kno when to let go of yer ass"..LOL...he wuzn't,lol...ok peeps this is where it gets fuzzy...lol..bits n pieces were...jen wuz hammered within the first 15 minutes n we spent much of the night going in between the baffroom n reception..robbie is 38, says da "one" is married so he hasta wait....said he couldn't give me anything but offered me his flower dat wuz pinned on his tux..i dragged muh scarf thru da gravy on muh dinner plate..robbie proclaimed to eileens brother we'll be married someday...i wuz ooglin da amazing tits along wiff da movie star...at one point they set up a shot of sumfin n i wuz called ova..i bowed out, lol..(think bout it,lol)..so eileen calls gary up to take muh place,lol..here i am in da middle of robbie n gary..WOOHOO...LOL...i danced wiff a bunch of people, including robbies brother whom i'll call "guido" cuz he had bout 15 gold chains on, a ton of cologne n a white dress shirt with bout 6 buttons undone exposin some serious chest hair, LOL..n hellificanremember wut song we were dancin to but he wuz signin it...EWWWW...LOL...then i realized it wuz like 8 o'clock n i hadda be to da anniversary party..lol...we had about a zillion hugz from eileen..gary grabbed her ass, she grabbed his, lol...we kissed ...no tongue tho,lol..n then we were off but not before a very tanked jen caught us at da door n hugged me fer about a half hour telling me she misses us n how we need to stay in touch...k jen really...lol...
we get outta there n i realized i neva said bye to muh date,lol...i felt horrible but i'm thinkin i'll see him again,hehehe...get to da anniversary party..da fruit met us at da door cuz he saw da bananamobile pull up...we go in n OMG i had never seen so many drunk people n OMG da music wuzzz soooo loud...too damn loud...i greeted da family n within 5 minutes dad (very drunk) had me slow dancin to a kid rock song, lol...tellin me i'm the best n shit,lol...gotta luv dad,lol...we stayed about an hour then headed back home to let da babysitter free...i don't remember much, i kno i came in n stood at da trash takin da hair pins out...i kissed da kids..took da dress off..n i think i got the kids cups ready fer da mornin..no crazy sex...i fell into a coma on da couch...lol..i remember gettin up at 2 fer more migraine pills, lol..then i wuz up at 7 watchin spiderman n eatin 3 pieces of bread n drinkin water, lmao...i wasn't sick tho!!!...jus feelin like FURKIN SHIT...LOL..gary passed out sideways on da bed so he wuz out..n being fathers day it was muh breakfast duty...but by then i wuz starved cuz i think i only ate two bites of dinner at da weddin...so when the kids were all up n i felt semi-ok...i got up..(muh pants were on backwards )...i made breakfast n gary got up...we watched a movie wiff da kids n i made muh pasta salad fer da family picnic...then bout 2 ish we took off fer dat...got home oh like 6 hours lata (she never could have a 2 hour party, grrr)...n we got the kids ready fer school....
yesterday i went into spawn class fer da last time n watched graduation rehearsal..then they took da kids out onto da playground (da wet from just rainin playground)..n we stayed out..timmy was walkin up slides instead of goin down em i hadda keep chasin him so i finally had enuff n left...
this mornin wuz graduation, we met mom n lisa n da fruit at da school, got alex out n went to da gym, it wuz a sweet ceremony..they had a slide show wiff all da kids on it, too cute...then after da parade of graduates thru da school, we took a cpl pics then left fer pizza hut...there i asked lisa n da fruit iffen they can babysit fri. night while we do our shoppin..they agreed,lol....i can finally feel muh life slowin down a bit...lol..
tomorrow iz da last day of school, a full day thank god..lol, then vacation...lord help me, i'm gonna turn into an evil woman u wait n see...da stress level will be thru da roof,lol..
sunday we're havin a small family gathering here...(hadda be sunday cuz motherlesbianinlaw is away til saturday)...fer our lil graduate..after dat i THINK its kinda quiet...ohhh there is countryfest, da all day concert...gary doesn't wanna go so i'm thinkin i'm goin eileen n pat...possibly others ..dats in july...n i think we're sposed to be havin a bbq fer dad who's retirin in july too...furk...i wuz wrong, it neva slows down, lmao...ahh well....lol...this is da longest email i eva composed..plz send donations to da coopys carpel tunnel fund via opal, lmao...ok i need bout a weeks rest still so while its 50% quiet imma gonna do dat.first i needa beat some children tho cuz chris jus exclaimed to me dat as he was singin jus now in his room "alex jus punched me in my penis"..dear god help me,lol....ttyl'ers...
coopy
okies well the saga started wednesday night..
oh n btw...i skipped outta spawn class last week..i had no urge to be there for their last "centers"..i was jus afraid i wuz gonna get stuck makin "zebra zack" who do i think i'm kiddin?..LOL..i went n rented a slew of movies n then came home n laid in da sun...after da previous weeks "torchin" of da epidermis i was pleased wiff da color situation...
soooo...ahh yes wednseday night we made our phone calls..i called eileen to make sure she hadn't fled da country n to make sure i knew where i wuz goin..after da dry run da movie star n i went on i felt confident i could get there n not end up in buffalo..lol..then hubby called his aunt (whose daughter was to babysit da day of da weddin)...well apparently me callin n settin this date 2 months before meant nuttin, iffen he hadn't called they woulda left for camp friday mornin, thus leavin us sitterless... his furkin family i tell ya...she could still do it but she couldn't get here til later in the day so he'd hafta miss the church..no big deal cept i'm in da furkin thing..ah well...can't win em all...
thursday night oh bout lets see kids go to bed at 7:30 on a schoolnite, well hmm lets see..ahh yes well at bout 8:45 ...da motherlesbianinlaw decides to come visit wiff da movie stars grandmother n "casey" to see da kids since they'd be away on vacation for a week...wut-ever...lol....i wasn't pleased but again...ah well...fine, they left..see ya next week,lol..ahh peace,lol...
friday went pretty smoothly fer most of da day, although da nerves startin kickin in bigtime...i tryed remainin calm...then danny showed up....lol..."ready to bust yer ass?"...furker..lol...he was watchin da kiddoes while da movie star did da grocery shoppin..alone..(i swear i was cringin thinkin i'd come home to an empty fridg n all da little debbie snacks ya could ever want)...LOL..so i wuz off...i battled da rush hour traffic n made it to da church perfectly on time...eileen wuz outside n i chatted wiff her a bit before we went in...then we went in, i was scopin...i saw a guy, not bad i'm thinkin, but i didn't ask...then muh gf jen from high school showed up...hadn't seen her since MY weddin 7 years ago, lol...yeah we used ta be real close but she's in da air force n one of them there texans now...lol.....anywho, i showed her pics of muh brats n she introduced me to da flavor du jour...her boyfriend...lol...apparently he's one of them their floridians n jus got outta da air force...totally not da type she used ta bang every night back in hs, but hey, we all gotta grow up sometime..LOL...everyone shows up...i chatted a bit wiff pat da groom to be n he assured me he wuz fine, lol...uhhuh...so then da priest comes out...i swear he was a trip from da get go..soft spoken but whenever he talked it was funny...he asks the bridal party to go to da back of da church...we get down there n he starts linin people up...asks which lady will bravely go first..OH HELL NOOOOOO!!!...lol...i pushed jen out there, lmao..so she's first n he pairs her wiff eileens brother..lucky bitch at least she knew him,lol..then he calls me next..then asks who i'm with..eileen says.."she's with robbie"..n he steps up.....ya'll think I'M short?..lol...he's a lil guy maybe 5'5...lol...but a cutie, definitely do-able,lol....we're standin there, n everyone else lines up...then da priest is givin his instructions..we're facing him...tells the men.."keep to the right of the american fag"...yes he said fag...so help me jesus i lost it...i turned around n tried to hold it in, but dear lord above i lost it..i was dyin..poor guy kept talkin...jen lost it but regained herself..meanwhile i'm in tears..LMAO...ok ok i regain composure n turn around again...da priest then says.."now you women next because you are always the last ones to come"...OMG...i near pissed muhself....bein in a church i tried not to laff so loud but sweet jesus that was furkin HILARIOUS...i hadda be ten shades of red..but so was everyone else, lmao... at dat point i think robbie thought I was a freak fer sure,lol...so we take a dry run down da aisle, n i'm thinkin..its not so bad, small church...then we go thru all da pomp n circumstance n shit...then we go back up da aisle, this time arm in arm wiff our ushers...he tells me he's an idiot n we're perfect for each other, lmao...n i tell him i'm gonna trip n i'm gonna take him with me,lol...we were goofy but it was cute...then eileens mom hops in muh van n drives me to da grooms moms house..i'd been there before but being me they were sure i'd end up in buffalo, lol...was yer normal rehearsal dinner...lotta italian food which i like, n alotta chattin bout old days...thinkin robbie knew i was a freak fer sure when eileen started bustin out da old days of hs stories...I WAS AN ANGEL I SWEAR...LOL....it got to be like 9 p.m n i wasn't so thrilled bout goin home 45 minutes in da black night so we got our bridal party gifts (big ole basket of lotion, candles(pervs), sprays, soaps n a pearl necklace)..robbie asked me iffen i wuz goin out that night n i said no, then asked iffen i wuz goin wiff em ta breakfast da next mornin n i said no i hadda get muh hair done,lol...then i say.."ok lil man i'll see ya down da aisle"..LOL...he wasn't thrilled with "lil man"...but hey, i wouldn't be me iffen i didn't have sumfin ta say,lol...on muh way out i hit eileens brothers truck backin up.....i jus bumped it fer da luv....i told ya i don't like drivin in da dark....lol...felt bad tho...lol...i got home n danny wuz still parked in muh driveway...they're sittin wiff da meat locker open, its like negative 20 in muh house, n they have da damn surround sound goin high watchin some damn car show...lol..furkin men...gary assured me he got everything on da grocery list i left him n danny told me he had only one "incident"..apparently timmy was bitchin fer his orange juice cup, which he had left in his room, ...he tells danny he wants it, danny tells him to go get it..timmy tells danny whining..."u go get it"...danny says no, u go get it...to which timmy replied..."*sighin*..uncle danny..yer a pain in my ass"...LMAO...too funny, i luv dat kid,lol...i went thru da basket n checked out muh goodies, asked "i take it i'm sposed to wear these pearls tomorrow?"...both furkin men looked up from da tv, n simultaneously replied.."Duh"....furkers...i flipped em both off,lol...then danny left n i decided since i had a full day ahead i'd go to bed early...not even a sex call..lol...
saturday mornin i got right up, n started gettin stuff ready fer da kids..then i painted muh nails, got da camera ready, n alot of the odds n ends i'd hafta put in muh purse to take along...also got the card ready n stuffed a $50 in it...i woulda gotten da anniversary card ready fer dat party too but considerin da movie star got a 25th wedding anniversary card to "2 wonderful parents"..(they're muh aunt n uncle fer cryin out loud,lol)...i bypassed dat..i called mom, then it was time to get muh hair done..gary handed me a $50 n i was off..i got there n looked at a book n found a style i liked..."josephine" (aka..da older lady wiff da long island accent n 3 inch nails n bright pink lipstick) took me to her station n she got to work..an hour later i wuz done...$40 dollars, n a $10 tip i thanked her n left...i get home, the kids are freakin, they loved da hair, gary did too til i told him dat $50 wuz gone..lmao...he grabbed da camera n told me to turn around..n he took a pic of it.."there's $50 "..he says, lol...he's a nut...he got da kids lunch as i did da face paintin,lol...then he helped me into muh dress wiffout me killin da "fortune do"...nerves weren't too bad...i was calm...just excited...so we all load up into da van n they drop me off at eileens moms...i helped her get all ready then the "photographer wench from hell" showed up...she wuz such a bitch i thought ei's mom wuz gonna deck her, lmao...we took pics then the limo guy showed up..he wuz furkin hot,lol...the day was flyin by at this point...we all got in the limo n headed to da church..at da church when we all got out, i was the last bridesmaid to get out..eileen wuz still in there, i get up n start walkin towards da door n fall onto da seat..lol..eileen says.."ok theres yer fall".."shup", lol...we get escorted into this lil room in back n i swear it was like a room people would go into to watch an execution,lol..."dat a good sign?"..i say...lol..limo guy got a kick outta me,lol...then jen thought she got her "friend" so she went to check..lol..she wuz k,lmao...at this point da ring bearers mom decides to leave thinkin he'd be fine if she left...he starts SCREAMIN bloody murder..."mommy".."mommy"...she goes..we tryed calmin him but it wasn't happenin..poor kid...da maid of honor wuz like sayin shut up to da poor kid, eileen says its k if he goes...n i turn to da limo guy n ask him to take him to his mom...he did n all wuz well again..poor kid...church was not packed at all...WOOHOOOO!!!!...i made it to da end of da aisle wiffout fallin, n wuz pleased wiff da guy in da tux smilin when i got there...lol...we got thru da mass, i wuz hopin da priest would furk up his words again but he didn't, lol...i was also pleased i didn't cry..lol..she's a big girl tho no need fer dat,lol...n tell me this...why is it dat at every weddin da passage is always dat same furkin one about divorce, n how god doesn't believe in it?...i mean FURK, lol..poor jens been there done dat n well i'm not exactly da poster child fer a blissful union so it jus bewilders me,lol..they wanna scare ya er' wut?..lol...i jus laffed...n OMG i worried too much bout trippin when i shoulda been worried bout all dat damn up n down church stuff...holy hell i went to sit down after a readin er' sumfin n hadn't realized i nervously shuffled a lil to da left..go to sit down n THANK GOD i put muh hand down first cuz i woulda sat OFF da damn chair...omg THAT woulda sucked worse than trippin,LOL...
*sidenote*..it's now wednesday as i'm franticly typin this...i started it last night at bout 6pm,lol..
ok soooooooooooo...where wuz i?...lemme scroll...ok so hellifiknow wutever happened to "by the powers vested in me n blah blah blah..u may now kiss da bride"...well...father screwdawordsup presents em as a couple n they go on down da aisle...he then proceeds to wander down to the parents n da rest of us in da bridal party jus stood there completely confused, lol..guess we shoulda paid more attention friday night n less on da american fag n cummin last, LMAO!!!!...we finally jus paired up n started walkin...robbie helped me down off da steps n walkin up da aisle he was reassurin me i wouldn't fall then complimented on how i looked...awwww...in da back of da church we jus milled around a minute er' two then with no receiving line we all filtered into this 10 passenger limo (was 13 of us)..n headed to da park fer more pictures wiff da photographerbitchfromhell chick...so we park n all filter out, i'm last AGAIn, but i didn't fall this time,lol...i got water from da hottie driver n downed a few migraine pills cuz all 300 hairpins in muh "do" had finally given me da headache i knew wuz comin...i followed those by 2 glasses of champagne, then photographerbitchfromhell led us on a hike thru trees, n rock (in heels )...to a semi-shaded area of da park..(optimal picture light er some shit)..keep in mind i'm mumblin obscenities da whole way...n i must say, that both sides of da family were invited to da park as well fer pictures so bout 50 people showed n pictures were taken left n right...da bridal party wuz jus standin around holdin their empty champagne glasses,lol..wut does darlene do?......i tipped mine down n had wut wuz in da bottom of da glass splatter ALL ova da bottom of muh dress......this wasn't water dat jus dries up...this stained......it looked like i wuz havin a lil TOO much fun in dat limo, LMAO..robbies like "oh u goof"...n pictures hadn't been taken yet.....they took em creatively, lol...i had a scarf wiff da dress i kinda draped dat way n held it up a lil, lol...after pics we piled back into da limo n chugged about 3 more bottles of champagne..i think i took pics but then again i spilled champagne on da camera too..shhh movie star doesn't kno yet ...i called him from da limo to make sure he got there n he did, but they sat him at da wrong table..not dat he wuz complainin too much..i told him da chick from da bridal shower wiff da big ole tits would prolly be there being that she works wiff eileen n she wuz at his table, lol..he kept tellin me all night "they are AMAZING"...but apparently.."she's dumb as a stump tho"...oh n there wuz another chick at his table with amazing tits too,lol...i told him bout da dress disaster n dat we were en route,lol...
get to da reception hall n i wuz pretty damn buzzin,lol..i kno we had more to drink, think it wuz beer n wine...then we were gettin instructions to line up..this time WE hadda walk first......at da sound of our names called i dumped wine on da other side of muh dress n like da slob i wuz we walked up...LOL...then it wuz first dance time..robbie n i, lookin like 2 lil dwarfs looked cute together n we jus chatted a bit.."point out yer hubby fer me will ya?..so i kno when to let go of yer ass"..LOL...he wuzn't,lol...ok peeps this is where it gets fuzzy...lol..bits n pieces were...jen wuz hammered within the first 15 minutes n we spent much of the night going in between the baffroom n reception..robbie is 38, says da "one" is married so he hasta wait....said he couldn't give me anything but offered me his flower dat wuz pinned on his tux..i dragged muh scarf thru da gravy on muh dinner plate..robbie proclaimed to eileens brother we'll be married someday...i wuz ooglin da amazing tits along wiff da movie star...at one point they set up a shot of sumfin n i wuz called ova..i bowed out, lol..(think bout it,lol)..so eileen calls gary up to take muh place,lol..here i am in da middle of robbie n gary..WOOHOO...LOL...i danced wiff a bunch of people, including robbies brother whom i'll call "guido" cuz he had bout 15 gold chains on, a ton of cologne n a white dress shirt with bout 6 buttons undone exposin some serious chest hair, LOL..n hellificanremember wut song we were dancin to but he wuz signin it...EWWWW...LOL...then i realized it wuz like 8 o'clock n i hadda be to da anniversary party..lol...we had about a zillion hugz from eileen..gary grabbed her ass, she grabbed his, lol...we kissed ...no tongue tho,lol..n then we were off but not before a very tanked jen caught us at da door n hugged me fer about a half hour telling me she misses us n how we need to stay in touch...k jen really...lol...
we get outta there n i realized i neva said bye to muh date,lol...i felt horrible but i'm thinkin i'll see him again,hehehe...get to da anniversary party..da fruit met us at da door cuz he saw da bananamobile pull up...we go in n OMG i had never seen so many drunk people n OMG da music wuzzz soooo loud...too damn loud...i greeted da family n within 5 minutes dad (very drunk) had me slow dancin to a kid rock song, lol...tellin me i'm the best n shit,lol...gotta luv dad,lol...we stayed about an hour then headed back home to let da babysitter free...i don't remember much, i kno i came in n stood at da trash takin da hair pins out...i kissed da kids..took da dress off..n i think i got the kids cups ready fer da mornin..no crazy sex...i fell into a coma on da couch...lol..i remember gettin up at 2 fer more migraine pills, lol..then i wuz up at 7 watchin spiderman n eatin 3 pieces of bread n drinkin water, lmao...i wasn't sick tho!!!...jus feelin like FURKIN SHIT...LOL..gary passed out sideways on da bed so he wuz out..n being fathers day it was muh breakfast duty...but by then i wuz starved cuz i think i only ate two bites of dinner at da weddin...so when the kids were all up n i felt semi-ok...i got up..(muh pants were on backwards )...i made breakfast n gary got up...we watched a movie wiff da kids n i made muh pasta salad fer da family picnic...then bout 2 ish we took off fer dat...got home oh like 6 hours lata (she never could have a 2 hour party, grrr)...n we got the kids ready fer school....
yesterday i went into spawn class fer da last time n watched graduation rehearsal..then they took da kids out onto da playground (da wet from just rainin playground)..n we stayed out..timmy was walkin up slides instead of goin down em i hadda keep chasin him so i finally had enuff n left...
this mornin wuz graduation, we met mom n lisa n da fruit at da school, got alex out n went to da gym, it wuz a sweet ceremony..they had a slide show wiff all da kids on it, too cute...then after da parade of graduates thru da school, we took a cpl pics then left fer pizza hut...there i asked lisa n da fruit iffen they can babysit fri. night while we do our shoppin..they agreed,lol....i can finally feel muh life slowin down a bit...lol..
tomorrow iz da last day of school, a full day thank god..lol, then vacation...lord help me, i'm gonna turn into an evil woman u wait n see...da stress level will be thru da roof,lol..
sunday we're havin a small family gathering here...(hadda be sunday cuz motherlesbianinlaw is away til saturday)...fer our lil graduate..after dat i THINK its kinda quiet...ohhh there is countryfest, da all day concert...gary doesn't wanna go so i'm thinkin i'm goin eileen n pat...possibly others ..dats in july...n i think we're sposed to be havin a bbq fer dad who's retirin in july too...furk...i wuz wrong, it neva slows down, lmao...ahh well....lol...this is da longest email i eva composed..plz send donations to da coopys carpel tunnel fund via opal, lmao...ok i need bout a weeks rest still so while its 50% quiet imma gonna do dat.first i needa beat some children tho cuz chris jus exclaimed to me dat as he was singin jus now in his room "alex jus punched me in my penis"..dear god help me,lol....ttyl'ers...
coopy
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