Holy Furk it's been a long time...
i've grown rather accustomed (wooo big word...go me go me go me) ta not havin writers (typers?) cramp..thinkin afta dis one i'll definitely need ta fire up da old coopys carpel tunnel fund again...nuttin to it but ta do it tho huh?..okies...here goes...i swear ya'll waitin so patiently n all excited i feel like i'm writin da next Harry Potter novel..LOL...
How da furk ya'll doin?...i disappeared from chat fer like a month er' sumfin n wuz jus doin muh pogo thang...wuzn't anything dat happened per say, jus boredom i spose'...room 2 wuz dead fer awhile n felt kinda "deserted"...even still da amusement of muh life outside of yahoo went on...ok i needa go back n see where i left off...brb..(like u care readin this now, lmao)...WOW...last time wuz thanksgiving..HOLY DOUBLE FURK...i can feel muh hand goin numb already ...
Thanksgiving was good...we had a big breakfast in da mornin, no motherlesbianinlaw...n went ta mom n dads fer dinner....it wuz really really quiet...(i'm feelin de ja vu..lemme go back n see iffen i posted afta this LOL)...DAYUMMMM i haven't...TRIPLE HOLY FURK...ok so as i wuz sayin..really quiet...muh gram (gravy gram...story fer a lata date,lol) wuzn't feelin good so she decided ta stay home instead of her usual goin ta muh uncles...dat wuz a treat...grams not lookin too good lately so all da time we get da betta...she had alot of fun listenin ta timmy n cakie ramble...lawd only knows wut they were fillin her head wiff,lol...lisa n da convict weren't even there for dinner!!!..i wuz like WTF but then felt sweet relief dat neither i nor da movie star would hafta feel awkward in dat company anymore than needed,lol....oh dats terrible...i think its da way he talks, er' presents himself, er' maybe da jail time..hellifiknow..LOL...anywho, they were there fer dessert...now mind you muh mom iz from Loopyville!!!...she called me first thing in da mornin to wish me a happy thanksgiving knowin i'd be there in like 4 hours, oh and ta tell me she wasn't aware you hadda cook those frozen pumpkin pies ...she thawed da thing upside down n there wuz pumpkin leakin out of all da sides..LMAO....dad had a field day wiff dat one...mom should just stay far away from da kitchen in general...so we had a cheesecake and an apple pie......it wuz one of those thanksgivings where ya eat n then eat again at home...lol....n yes...she did have a furkin candle burnin dat overpowered da turkey smell!!!!!...GRRRR i bitched,lol...then blew it out....as fer da table talk...well its a lil too far back fer me ta remember but dats where i introduced ta da "family" muh grand new profession...lol...i hadda be beat red, lmao...dad knew zactly wut i wuz talkin bout n jus laffed...mom wuz like.."well i can't help you there"...n lisa has been ta one!!!!...FURK...LOL...mom did however exclaim..."i would like to attend a party tho"...it's all good jus dunno iffen i can say wiff her there..."and these are our 2 most popular items...the pussy enhancer n the king cock"...LMFAO......we will see...
Christophers birthday wuz a smashing success...I CAN'T REMEMBER IT THO!...LOL...i remember da family party wuz on a saturday and i do remember on sunday wuz his friends from school party at McDonalds..the kids had a blast...this lil McDonalds had a lil cylinder slide n a ball pit...he had 6 friends from school and muh otha 3 kids...it wuz all they needed, balls flyin everywhere, kids screamin...lol...his best friend Christian however..OMG...he carried in this present so huge dat his stepdad hadda help him wiff...this gift stared at me n worried me fer 2 hours...finally present time came...it wuz an electronic KEYBOARD...i wuz like..OH HELL NO...LOL...da stepdad laffed......i kinda giggled n abruptly stopped..."Yeah Thank You Christian..When's Christians birthday again?"...he answered laffin.."u just missed it"...i wanted ta rip his head off n shove his supersize fries down his throat ....luckily fer him it has a volume control, it's not as loud as i envisioned...lol...
so...fast forward a cpl weeks into december...one friday mornin da movie star woke me up fer muh usual.."i'm Leavin" 5 minute warnin call...then tells me dat he had been up since 4 a.m wiff Chris who wuz pukin n well..otha great stuff, lmao...he wuz stayin home from school...no prob, wuteva..it gave me an excuse ta not drive out ta preschool...lol...so Chris lounged around n barfed every 5 minutes..i kept him a safe distance from da othas n i said a cpl hail marys dat it wouldn't spread...next day chris wuz feelin better...day went about like normal til we had dinner..all of a sudden alex keeled ova n begun da barfin routine...we sent him ta bed wiff a puke bowl, lmao...then we put da rest ta bed...bout' 30 minutes lata timmy barfs into da tub..(good job not on da floor but still!..LOL...)....then 5 minutes lata cakie starts...now mind you chris is sleepin soundly...i must also add dat da movie star wuz pretty nonfunctional afta receiving his medicine earlier dat day...so he's on da couch in n outta consciousness,lol...i'm in between bedrooms, bathrooms, n watchin a movie rental...finally i gave up on da movie rental n practically in tears exclaimed i needed help...bless this man who wuz feelin shitty...he helped me bring alex, timmy n cakie into da living room where we set up sick camp...fer da next 10 hours we literally hadda bring each childs head ta da designated puke bowl every 5 minutes, it wuz awful...he'd let me get 20 minutes sleep i'd return da favor...da night went on foreva...da next day cakie stopped n felt better...alex began tapering off...but muh timmy still every cpl minutes...his eyes were sunken in n u couldn't see any of da whites of his eyes...it wuz so scary!!!...i felt like crap...literally..SORRY!..LOL...but because he wuz so bad i felt nuffin...da movie star got away pretty easy n was spared dat sickness...timmy did rebound ova da next cpl days but clearly lost a few pounds n he isn't one dat needs to...i became da disinfectin queen of muh domain...antibacterial everything..i wuz a wipin, cleansin, steam cleamin freak...there wuz 1 thing i couldn't save tho...our most comfy big recliner...so da movie star sent it out ta da garbage...more ta come on dat...
soooooooooooo ok, we're down ta a loveseat n a couch afta tossin "puke chair" as it became known as in our house...LOL...da kids were in serious chair withdrawls, usually at least 2 kids would sit in da chair n read er' play wiff their video crack (aka gameboys..LOL)...it jus wuzn't kosher so i start "gently" insinuatin (LOL) dat we need a new chair ASAP...it wuz also mommys fave chair fer muh GH hour......anywho..we get this call from da movie stars great aunt..she tells me she has a neighbor dats gettin rid of a recliner n wanted ta ask us first...(now mind u she lives in a ritzy neighborhood so i'm like all fer it)...da movie star knowin i'm still "gently" insinuatin daily dat we need a new chair agrees ta go get it afta work da next day...so he comes home......i had vacumned n everything...he comes in n da kids are all excited...he looks at me n says.."it's not wut yer thinkin "...i'm like...""...so he brings it in...OMG ...lemme describe...it wuz an off white, pleather (not leather) glorified FURKIN office chair....oh sure it reclined, bout an inch...n when ya sat in it you sank n da bar across da front literally bruised ya...LOL...omg i wuz mortified...it wuz an even bigger eyesore than all da cars dat eva cluttered muh driveway...EVA..LOL...oh but da kids couldn't get nuff' of it...it swiveled so they were all fightin n goin in circles...n i wuz left wiff one question..."how iz muh mom gonna get outta dat?"..LMAO...well its safe ta say dat da chair lasted like a week...motherlesbianinlaw HATED it, lol...da movie star tried ta get me ta like it..DATS A HARD SELL...LOL....n da kids got bored..wuzn't a good chair fer anyone...specially me....lol...it made da back porch quick....lol...n i began "gently" insinuatin we'd get a brand new chair, one we'd pick wiff da tax return...i'm no dummy,lol...
christmas eve in da coopy house wuz great...after da movie stars aunt pulled her head outta her ass n decided they were coming we were confirmed ta be havin like 15 people...not too shabby...alex wuz freakin out all night sayin "timmy is sayin he's gonna wait up n go out in da living room to see santa"...i assured him dat wouldn't be happenin...wiff a roomful of family i embarrassed Chris by sayin he had a girlfriend n i wuz public enemy number one......he ran into his room n cried...i hadda chase afta him n talk muhself outta it...i bribed him quiet wiff snacks n gettin santas cookies ready, lmao...da company didn't leave til furkin 10 p.m..DAYUMMM, i mean i wuz whooped n we still hadda bring upstairs da mountain of crap from da fat man in da red suit...i guess i couldn't complain too much tho, cuz his aunt n uncle bought da bananobile off da movie star..(i swear we tried everything ta sell dat furkin truck, i wuz sure we would neva sell it,lol)...afta puttin da kids ta bed we sat round' n waited...n waited...n waited...n checked....cakie..OUT...chris..OUT...timmy da santa peeker...OUT...alex...WIDE FURKIN AWAKE..."i can't sleep"...furkin tulip, mr sensitive n all dat nervous chit..go da hell ta sleep i'm thinkin...movie star n i go downstairs...we couldn't be more quiet iffen we were in a coma...n watchin da furkin yule log i wuz practically IN a coma, i wuz sooo tired...LOL...ok its 2 a.m alex wuz still rustlin round'...i told da movie star.."furk it, jus do it n iffen he figures it out so be it, lol...he's 8 anyway..LOL...i'm mean but when not well rested i'm grumpy as all hell...n i knew i had told da motherlesbianinlaw ta come ova at 7:30 a.m......we put everything out n headed ta bed fer all of those 5 hours,lol...we got up, n alex n chris ran out all excited...cakie soon followed n timmy could really give a shit til he woke up more,lmao...fairly soon afta da motherlesbianinlaw arrived...
man i neva saw so many wire ties n unwrapped wrapping paper all ova
da place...i felt so overwhelmed...LOL..i had made 2 make ahead breakfasts so we paused fer breakfast then went ta da stash of gifts da motherlesbianinlaw brought ova...da kids were all thrilled...she hands me a cpl gifts...new flannel sheets...yay...no really, lol imma cold person...then an outfit, ok but i returned it LOL ...n then a small box...i opened it, it wuz a box from bloomingdales...as i'm opening this "gift" she starts tellin me how when she wuz in NYC last month she n her friends hadda go into bloomingdales and her friends have this ritual of getting bloomingdales "bloomers" fer their daughters...so she tells me she considers me her daughter..yeah "awwww" but really NOT!...so i open this box ta find 5 pairs of g-string panties.....WUT DA FURK?...well i can only imagine i turned red,lol...this woman doesn't realize i don't wear underwear, i'm knowin in muh heart it wuz a nice gesture...but ummm in muh mind it's jus furkin creepy...i look at da movie star n he's all smirky..lmao...i told her they were "cute"...one even wuz snowmen wiff two lil cottonballs in da O's in bloomingdales....I'D NEVA WEAR DAT ON MUH ARSE!!!!!...LMAO...anywho...she "kinda" made up fer it wiff a video rental card under da dreaded panties...i'm still gettin creeps relivin this episode, lol...ok so...movin along...(PLZ)..she stays n makes da stuffin fer da turkey...n mind you she had 2 helpings of breakfast n wuz very chipper all mornin...she decides ta let us get all cleaned up n organized n go home fer a bit before comin back when my family came ova fer dinner too...ok fast forward about an hour...da phone rings..n its da motherlesbianinlaw soundin like death.."I dunno what happened, i came home n all of a sudden i'm sick, i don't think i'm going to be able to come for dinner".......now in muh warped mind i'm thinkin its sumfin i cooked fer breakfast n i'm havin horrible visions of becomin muh mother ( da whole easter egg incident)...then i realize out of 7 of us no one else iz sick.....ok so i give da phone ta da movie star n i'm in full pissed mode..(thinkin she's gunna go be wiff da "friend")...i got ova it quick tho cuz i knew i could count on muh family..mom, dad, lisa, kiwi n convict..LOL...we cleaned up, da turkey wuz fillin da house wiff its heavenly aroma...lol..n then da family came..we took pictures n yapped n had fun...ate dinner n lil man got really fussy......so lisa left, convict had ta go ta work (a job he now today doesn't have, i jus found this out yesterday )...so we sent da convict to da motherlesbianinlaws before work ta drop off a tray of food ...then when they left, we ate dessert..(pumpkin pie dat i didn't screw up thank you very much,lol) and dad stayed n drank coffee like it wuz goin outta style,lol..when they left, we cleaned n organized n put a few more things t'gether then put da kids ta bed..it amazes me every year how we anticipate (woooo big word,lol) and prepare so much fer christmas and in a flash its ova...
fer new years eve, it wuzn't a big ta do...we ordered wang food n jus took bets on which kid would be able ta stay awake ta see da ball drop...they all did.....i hadda wake da movie star up a half hour before tho, LOL...we're gettin old ...when it wuz all said n done...chris says.."thats it???"...LOL..n off ta bed they went...new years day muh mom had invited us ova fer a ham dinner cuz we had christmas fer them...worked fer me...we took da new truck...oh yeah he gotta new truck fer a bonus......ok ok this one iz a good one, older but still nice, 6 passenger (dats all of us) n hassa 7 foot plow on it, dat'll come in handy up here in da snowbanks of da furkin north pole... ..this furkin truch tho, i wuz so relieved ta get outta it cuz he put a green pine tree freshener thingy in it, omg it smelled like bad mens cologne..LOL..i wuz gettin a migraine...yikes!!!...dinner wuz good...convict hadda work but wuz there long nuff ta get timmy all wired up n long nuff ta wrestle wiff chris n make him cry cuz he wuz too ruff, i didn't have a chance ta bitch tho cuz lisa did it fer me..LOL!!!...lisa changed her mind on her bridesmaids gowns..AGAIN...so i got ta see da new gown...sage green.."lisa, i don't do green"..LOL...coral wuz da otha color......da flower girls dress cakie will be wearin is precious tho...until i saw da price which lisa insists she's buyin fer her cuz cakie is her goddaughter...convict i thought wuz gonna have a coronary...LOL...back ta muh gown...welp..she's now set on a sapphire color, i can do dat, lmao..now jus hafta map out a hair color n plan...
ok so...da next day timmy hadda bithday party fer one of his lil preschool girlfriends (mr stud has so many,lol)...this ones at chuck e cheese, its like on da brink of a snowstorm n i'm set firmly dat i'm takin him...(i feel so bad when da older kids go ta parties n timmy can't)...so we go, da furkin place wuz packed n only 3 otha kids from class showed, lmao....i wuz actually happy we went fer dat poor lil girl...n timmy had fun, i didn't even lose him once,lol...so then da storm starts...i grab him n we leave, but i hadda stop at da grocery store fer a few things....so we pull in n its packed...i find a spot dat i can pull up right through so dat i'm not backin out...i turn...a car parks in da spot in front of me dat i wuz gonna pull into...now mind u i'm a quarter in this spot...i gotta reverse..it's slick cuz of da snow n slush....i start ta back up n almost hit a guy.....who wuz it?...ya remember when muh oldest went ova ta his friends house n i called his father creepy dad?......it wuz him......he looked pissed, i wuz sooo embarrassed but tried ta hide muh face...lmaoooo...trailin him were his 3 boys dat all look exactly like chucky from those horror movies...so i gotta get out...n they're parked a cpl spaces up n over.....i get out n get timmy, have muh list in muh hand...it falls, n its windy......it starts flyin away over...over...over....i'm within sight now but still tryin ta hide.....i get da furkin list...then i'm tinkerin wiff a yu gi oh thing timmy got...creepy dad starts talkin from his car window he had rolled down ..."you're alexs mom right?"......"yeah"..."i thought so, they said ya weren't".."oh...yes i am"...ok gotta go byeeeeee,lol....i walked away still so embarrassed i almost ran ova creepy dad....i wuz worried da kids would tell alex i tryed killin their dad, lmaooo....but even still i'm laffin...it wuz kinda funny..LOL..now iffen only i can run down da otha creepy dad from timmys preschool...oh muh lawd he gives me da creeps, da way he looks ya jus kno he's schemin...lol...
ok so...(get yer depends)...timmy started his alphabet in school..they decided fer show n tell dat each kid should bring in sumfin dat starts wiff their letter of da week..so on A week n knowin alex has every beanie baby known ta man thanks ta da motherlesbianinlaw, i asked..."alex do u have an anteater?"...at exactly da same time i asked dat da movie star says.."u have an ardvark?"...so i fired back ta da movie star.."no really i'd much rather have him bring an anteater, its something he knows"...gary says ta me.."yer kiddin me right?"...n knowin i said sumfin stupid i'm like.."wut?"...he then procedes ta inform me dat imma idiot cuz they are da same thing..LMFAO..i honestly had no idea..i'm like.."oh no they're not..."...n he's insistin they are...so i say.."but anteaters have da long nose...Aurthur (pbs kid show,lol) is an arvark and does NOT have a long nose..."...he's crackin up n says he knows n its still da same thing..LMAO...i let it go but knew it'd come back ta haunt me...
timmys birthday party wuz fer da most part a success, he wanted school kids but i decided ta wait til next year fer dat, so i invited just family...an hour before da party bout 10 people were stricken suddenly wiff various excuses as ta why they weren't coming...pissed me off...but the die hard attendees would be there...he got tons of spiderman shit..n i say shit cuz u can always count on da movie stars brood of goofball friends ta supply da crazy shit...he got a spiderman web slinger thing dat shoots silly string from danny...wiff 3 extra cans of "ammo" ...n wut did da movie star do?...well he loaded it up n let timmy have at it...LOL...there wuz silly string everywhere inside muh house n yes, i made da movie star clean it all up...n from 3 rooms away i hear.."ARDVARK"...jackass ...he hadda explain why i wuz turnin red n laffin...so now da whole ardvark story iz public knowledge, n da ballbuster brood ridiculed me all day, lmao...
cpl nights before muh birthday i decided ta call da movie star on da way home n remind him ta go ta da store...he answered, then hung up on me ...then called me from da store...i had him get a cpl things ta go wiff dinner then asked him iffen he could run across da street ta da movie store ta check on a movie fer me...he kinda gave me shit bout it, totally unlike him, then said ok...so he gets home n gathers up da kids...i knew sumfin wuz up...lol...cakie comes runnin out ta da kitchen n says..."mom u got a present"...LOL...so i wuz then instructed ta be taken into da kids room ta stay til he called fer us...so then we're called out, theres sumfin under a blanket... (i knew it hadda be a kitten...lil background info..i have always wanted a pure black kitten all muh life...always bitched i haven't gotten one too, lmao)...so i left up da blanket n theres a black kitten in da lil carrier...awwwww, i wuz so excited, but da thing wuz petrified...lol...n Peanut our otha cat wuz hissin at da poor thing like ya wouldn't believe...fer like 5 days they were nicknamed "the estrogen twins"...LOL...i'm good fer nicknames, LMAO...she had like 3 names b4 we came ta an agreement...first she wuz Snowball...then Marshmallow (i'm twisted, u knew dat)...then i saw a commercial fer Oreo's...she then became known az Oreo...LOL...she's scared ta death of da kids still, stays downstairs all day n comes up at night right afta da kids go ta bed,lol...very cuddly then, lmao...she'll get used ta it..unless she's jus a vampiress cat...which ya neva kno wiff me,lol...muh mom came out dat following sunday fer her afta church pee,lol..n she loves her,lol...she asks me tho.."did you get her from the pond?"..."the pond???..LOL'"...she caught herself dat time tho, n says.."listen to me like she's a fish, i meant the pound"..LOL...yeah mom..LOL...get a clue...
da actual birthday wuz nice...kids baked me a cake, da movie star n i went out fer italian food...nuttin too special but wuz nice all in all....happy ta say i did not get any other panties from da motherlesbianinlaw...LMAO!...n i wuz thrilled wiff muh kitten...
how can i not talk bout this furkin weather?..omg its sooo cold...wuz like -25 last week er' some shit...today its gonna be 27 degrees..woohooo HEATWAVE!!!!..lol...our swiss family robinson woodstove has been kickin daily,lol...i don't like wearin clothes heavier than a t shirt er' tank top...u kno dat,lol...i've come a long way...i jus learned how ta make a fire last winter, lmao...n once last year when i ran outta starter fire things i thought up a brilliant idea...i don't know anyone wiff an L beginnin their last name so i like a rocket scientist tore out all da L's in phone book n crumpled em up n put em all ova da inside of da stove wiff da firewood......nuffin happened cept' some of em burned ...so when da movie star came home n fired it up he's like..."why are their pages of da phone book in here?.."...LMFAO...oh shup, seemed like a good idea...lmao...he jus says.."u idiot!...."...i tell ya i'm good fer laughs...lol
dat pretty much brings ya up ta speed...i'm still on da go wiff taxi'in..this week especially since we're makin up fer no school all last week on account of no heat...they heated da school one day wiff da ovens open...i wuz NOT cool wiff dat...i trust em but ummm NO!...i'm also happy ta inform ya'll dat last friday da movie star n i went shoppin fer a new recliner, lmao...we got a chaise thing actually...will fit da whole furkin family,lol...we're testin out all these chairs n da guy had a killer lisp...we would make fun of him when he wuzn't lookin... gary says..of course when "bob" iz not in ear range..dat we needed sumfin ta furk on...LOL...n when "bob" wuz within range i said we needed sumfin dat muh mom could get out of...LMFAO!...i wuz goin fer da shock value of dat but its not far from da truth..it iz true actually...LOL...can't wait ta get it...kids are excited too n i'm jus happy its not dat oversized office chair..LOL.......this saturday we're goin out ta diner wiff a friend of da movie stars..this guys older, only a friend cuz gary helped him restore some old car...i've talked ta him alot on da phone cuz he talks more than a girl, n i've seen him a few times..once at his house afta swimmin n he wuz in his swim shorts..PLEASE GET DAT IMAGE OUTTA MUH HEAD!...lol...he's goofy n has hair dat makes ya wanna ruffle it up ta see iffen its a hairpiece..this should be interesting...neva met his wife..oh joy i'm so lookin forward ta this......otha than dat, we have valentines parties, muh anniversary (yes its on valentines day..all togetha now..AWWWWWW,LOL)...n a field trip wiff preschool ta da post office WOOHOO...ya feelin muh sarcasm?..lol...i'm layin it on purty thick here!...i did sign muh life away to Edible Ecstasy...i ordered muh "kit"...hopefully i'll be up n runnin fairly soon..will take a lil more time tho...wish me a fortune..i still have doubts but keep hearin da movie star.."worse case scenario, u'll have a whole lotta new toys"..LOL...there iz always Ebay!!!...LMAO...
omg okay, i'm exhausted n needa go relax muh hand..good thing i "played" yesterday cuz ya'll tired muh furkin hand out today, lmfao...take care n see ya'll in da room...
coopy
I'm so NOT proofreadin, spell checkin er' nuffin..interpret on ya own,lol....luvs ya..LOL
How da furk ya'll doin?...i disappeared from chat fer like a month er' sumfin n wuz jus doin muh pogo thang...wuzn't anything dat happened per say, jus boredom i spose'...room 2 wuz dead fer awhile n felt kinda "deserted"...even still da amusement of muh life outside of yahoo went on...ok i needa go back n see where i left off...brb..(like u care readin this now, lmao)...WOW...last time wuz thanksgiving..HOLY DOUBLE FURK...i can feel muh hand goin numb already ...
Thanksgiving was good...we had a big breakfast in da mornin, no motherlesbianinlaw...n went ta mom n dads fer dinner....it wuz really really quiet...(i'm feelin de ja vu..lemme go back n see iffen i posted afta this LOL)...DAYUMMMM i haven't...TRIPLE HOLY FURK...ok so as i wuz sayin..really quiet...muh gram (gravy gram...story fer a lata date,lol) wuzn't feelin good so she decided ta stay home instead of her usual goin ta muh uncles...dat wuz a treat...grams not lookin too good lately so all da time we get da betta...she had alot of fun listenin ta timmy n cakie ramble...lawd only knows wut they were fillin her head wiff,lol...lisa n da convict weren't even there for dinner!!!..i wuz like WTF but then felt sweet relief dat neither i nor da movie star would hafta feel awkward in dat company anymore than needed,lol....oh dats terrible...i think its da way he talks, er' presents himself, er' maybe da jail time..hellifiknow..LOL...anywho, they were there fer dessert...now mind you muh mom iz from Loopyville!!!...she called me first thing in da mornin to wish me a happy thanksgiving knowin i'd be there in like 4 hours, oh and ta tell me she wasn't aware you hadda cook those frozen pumpkin pies ...she thawed da thing upside down n there wuz pumpkin leakin out of all da sides..LMAO....dad had a field day wiff dat one...mom should just stay far away from da kitchen in general...so we had a cheesecake and an apple pie......it wuz one of those thanksgivings where ya eat n then eat again at home...lol....n yes...she did have a furkin candle burnin dat overpowered da turkey smell!!!!!...GRRRR i bitched,lol...then blew it out....as fer da table talk...well its a lil too far back fer me ta remember but dats where i introduced ta da "family" muh grand new profession...lol...i hadda be beat red, lmao...dad knew zactly wut i wuz talkin bout n jus laffed...mom wuz like.."well i can't help you there"...n lisa has been ta one!!!!...FURK...LOL...mom did however exclaim..."i would like to attend a party tho"...it's all good jus dunno iffen i can say wiff her there..."and these are our 2 most popular items...the pussy enhancer n the king cock"...LMFAO......we will see...
Christophers birthday wuz a smashing success...I CAN'T REMEMBER IT THO!...LOL...i remember da family party wuz on a saturday and i do remember on sunday wuz his friends from school party at McDonalds..the kids had a blast...this lil McDonalds had a lil cylinder slide n a ball pit...he had 6 friends from school and muh otha 3 kids...it wuz all they needed, balls flyin everywhere, kids screamin...lol...his best friend Christian however..OMG...he carried in this present so huge dat his stepdad hadda help him wiff...this gift stared at me n worried me fer 2 hours...finally present time came...it wuz an electronic KEYBOARD...i wuz like..OH HELL NO...LOL...da stepdad laffed......i kinda giggled n abruptly stopped..."Yeah Thank You Christian..When's Christians birthday again?"...he answered laffin.."u just missed it"...i wanted ta rip his head off n shove his supersize fries down his throat ....luckily fer him it has a volume control, it's not as loud as i envisioned...lol...
so...fast forward a cpl weeks into december...one friday mornin da movie star woke me up fer muh usual.."i'm Leavin" 5 minute warnin call...then tells me dat he had been up since 4 a.m wiff Chris who wuz pukin n well..otha great stuff, lmao...he wuz stayin home from school...no prob, wuteva..it gave me an excuse ta not drive out ta preschool...lol...so Chris lounged around n barfed every 5 minutes..i kept him a safe distance from da othas n i said a cpl hail marys dat it wouldn't spread...next day chris wuz feelin better...day went about like normal til we had dinner..all of a sudden alex keeled ova n begun da barfin routine...we sent him ta bed wiff a puke bowl, lmao...then we put da rest ta bed...bout' 30 minutes lata timmy barfs into da tub..(good job not on da floor but still!..LOL...)....then 5 minutes lata cakie starts...now mind you chris is sleepin soundly...i must also add dat da movie star wuz pretty nonfunctional afta receiving his medicine earlier dat day...so he's on da couch in n outta consciousness,lol...i'm in between bedrooms, bathrooms, n watchin a movie rental...finally i gave up on da movie rental n practically in tears exclaimed i needed help...bless this man who wuz feelin shitty...he helped me bring alex, timmy n cakie into da living room where we set up sick camp...fer da next 10 hours we literally hadda bring each childs head ta da designated puke bowl every 5 minutes, it wuz awful...he'd let me get 20 minutes sleep i'd return da favor...da night went on foreva...da next day cakie stopped n felt better...alex began tapering off...but muh timmy still every cpl minutes...his eyes were sunken in n u couldn't see any of da whites of his eyes...it wuz so scary!!!...i felt like crap...literally..SORRY!..LOL...but because he wuz so bad i felt nuffin...da movie star got away pretty easy n was spared dat sickness...timmy did rebound ova da next cpl days but clearly lost a few pounds n he isn't one dat needs to...i became da disinfectin queen of muh domain...antibacterial everything..i wuz a wipin, cleansin, steam cleamin freak...there wuz 1 thing i couldn't save tho...our most comfy big recliner...so da movie star sent it out ta da garbage...more ta come on dat...
soooooooooooo ok, we're down ta a loveseat n a couch afta tossin "puke chair" as it became known as in our house...LOL...da kids were in serious chair withdrawls, usually at least 2 kids would sit in da chair n read er' play wiff their video crack (aka gameboys..LOL)...it jus wuzn't kosher so i start "gently" insinuatin (LOL) dat we need a new chair ASAP...it wuz also mommys fave chair fer muh GH hour......anywho..we get this call from da movie stars great aunt..she tells me she has a neighbor dats gettin rid of a recliner n wanted ta ask us first...(now mind u she lives in a ritzy neighborhood so i'm like all fer it)...da movie star knowin i'm still "gently" insinuatin daily dat we need a new chair agrees ta go get it afta work da next day...so he comes home......i had vacumned n everything...he comes in n da kids are all excited...he looks at me n says.."it's not wut yer thinkin "...i'm like...""...so he brings it in...OMG ...lemme describe...it wuz an off white, pleather (not leather) glorified FURKIN office chair....oh sure it reclined, bout an inch...n when ya sat in it you sank n da bar across da front literally bruised ya...LOL...omg i wuz mortified...it wuz an even bigger eyesore than all da cars dat eva cluttered muh driveway...EVA..LOL...oh but da kids couldn't get nuff' of it...it swiveled so they were all fightin n goin in circles...n i wuz left wiff one question..."how iz muh mom gonna get outta dat?"..LMAO...well its safe ta say dat da chair lasted like a week...motherlesbianinlaw HATED it, lol...da movie star tried ta get me ta like it..DATS A HARD SELL...LOL....n da kids got bored..wuzn't a good chair fer anyone...specially me....lol...it made da back porch quick....lol...n i began "gently" insinuatin we'd get a brand new chair, one we'd pick wiff da tax return...i'm no dummy,lol...
christmas eve in da coopy house wuz great...after da movie stars aunt pulled her head outta her ass n decided they were coming we were confirmed ta be havin like 15 people...not too shabby...alex wuz freakin out all night sayin "timmy is sayin he's gonna wait up n go out in da living room to see santa"...i assured him dat wouldn't be happenin...wiff a roomful of family i embarrassed Chris by sayin he had a girlfriend n i wuz public enemy number one......he ran into his room n cried...i hadda chase afta him n talk muhself outta it...i bribed him quiet wiff snacks n gettin santas cookies ready, lmao...da company didn't leave til furkin 10 p.m..DAYUMMM, i mean i wuz whooped n we still hadda bring upstairs da mountain of crap from da fat man in da red suit...i guess i couldn't complain too much tho, cuz his aunt n uncle bought da bananobile off da movie star..(i swear we tried everything ta sell dat furkin truck, i wuz sure we would neva sell it,lol)...afta puttin da kids ta bed we sat round' n waited...n waited...n waited...n checked....cakie..OUT...chris..OUT...timmy da santa peeker...OUT...alex...WIDE FURKIN AWAKE..."i can't sleep"...furkin tulip, mr sensitive n all dat nervous chit..go da hell ta sleep i'm thinkin...movie star n i go downstairs...we couldn't be more quiet iffen we were in a coma...n watchin da furkin yule log i wuz practically IN a coma, i wuz sooo tired...LOL...ok its 2 a.m alex wuz still rustlin round'...i told da movie star.."furk it, jus do it n iffen he figures it out so be it, lol...he's 8 anyway..LOL...i'm mean but when not well rested i'm grumpy as all hell...n i knew i had told da motherlesbianinlaw ta come ova at 7:30 a.m......we put everything out n headed ta bed fer all of those 5 hours,lol...we got up, n alex n chris ran out all excited...cakie soon followed n timmy could really give a shit til he woke up more,lmao...fairly soon afta da motherlesbianinlaw arrived...
man i neva saw so many wire ties n unwrapped wrapping paper all ova
da place...i felt so overwhelmed...LOL..i had made 2 make ahead breakfasts so we paused fer breakfast then went ta da stash of gifts da motherlesbianinlaw brought ova...da kids were all thrilled...she hands me a cpl gifts...new flannel sheets...yay...no really, lol imma cold person...then an outfit, ok but i returned it LOL ...n then a small box...i opened it, it wuz a box from bloomingdales...as i'm opening this "gift" she starts tellin me how when she wuz in NYC last month she n her friends hadda go into bloomingdales and her friends have this ritual of getting bloomingdales "bloomers" fer their daughters...so she tells me she considers me her daughter..yeah "awwww" but really NOT!...so i open this box ta find 5 pairs of g-string panties.....WUT DA FURK?...well i can only imagine i turned red,lol...this woman doesn't realize i don't wear underwear, i'm knowin in muh heart it wuz a nice gesture...but ummm in muh mind it's jus furkin creepy...i look at da movie star n he's all smirky..lmao...i told her they were "cute"...one even wuz snowmen wiff two lil cottonballs in da O's in bloomingdales....I'D NEVA WEAR DAT ON MUH ARSE!!!!!...LMAO...anywho...she "kinda" made up fer it wiff a video rental card under da dreaded panties...i'm still gettin creeps relivin this episode, lol...ok so...movin along...(PLZ)..she stays n makes da stuffin fer da turkey...n mind you she had 2 helpings of breakfast n wuz very chipper all mornin...she decides ta let us get all cleaned up n organized n go home fer a bit before comin back when my family came ova fer dinner too...ok fast forward about an hour...da phone rings..n its da motherlesbianinlaw soundin like death.."I dunno what happened, i came home n all of a sudden i'm sick, i don't think i'm going to be able to come for dinner".......now in muh warped mind i'm thinkin its sumfin i cooked fer breakfast n i'm havin horrible visions of becomin muh mother ( da whole easter egg incident)...then i realize out of 7 of us no one else iz sick.....ok so i give da phone ta da movie star n i'm in full pissed mode..(thinkin she's gunna go be wiff da "friend")...i got ova it quick tho cuz i knew i could count on muh family..mom, dad, lisa, kiwi n convict..LOL...we cleaned up, da turkey wuz fillin da house wiff its heavenly aroma...lol..n then da family came..we took pictures n yapped n had fun...ate dinner n lil man got really fussy......so lisa left, convict had ta go ta work (a job he now today doesn't have, i jus found this out yesterday )...so we sent da convict to da motherlesbianinlaws before work ta drop off a tray of food ...then when they left, we ate dessert..(pumpkin pie dat i didn't screw up thank you very much,lol) and dad stayed n drank coffee like it wuz goin outta style,lol..when they left, we cleaned n organized n put a few more things t'gether then put da kids ta bed..it amazes me every year how we anticipate (woooo big word,lol) and prepare so much fer christmas and in a flash its ova...
fer new years eve, it wuzn't a big ta do...we ordered wang food n jus took bets on which kid would be able ta stay awake ta see da ball drop...they all did.....i hadda wake da movie star up a half hour before tho, LOL...we're gettin old ...when it wuz all said n done...chris says.."thats it???"...LOL..n off ta bed they went...new years day muh mom had invited us ova fer a ham dinner cuz we had christmas fer them...worked fer me...we took da new truck...oh yeah he gotta new truck fer a bonus......ok ok this one iz a good one, older but still nice, 6 passenger (dats all of us) n hassa 7 foot plow on it, dat'll come in handy up here in da snowbanks of da furkin north pole... ..this furkin truch tho, i wuz so relieved ta get outta it cuz he put a green pine tree freshener thingy in it, omg it smelled like bad mens cologne..LOL..i wuz gettin a migraine...yikes!!!...dinner wuz good...convict hadda work but wuz there long nuff ta get timmy all wired up n long nuff ta wrestle wiff chris n make him cry cuz he wuz too ruff, i didn't have a chance ta bitch tho cuz lisa did it fer me..LOL!!!...lisa changed her mind on her bridesmaids gowns..AGAIN...so i got ta see da new gown...sage green.."lisa, i don't do green"..LOL...coral wuz da otha color......da flower girls dress cakie will be wearin is precious tho...until i saw da price which lisa insists she's buyin fer her cuz cakie is her goddaughter...convict i thought wuz gonna have a coronary...LOL...back ta muh gown...welp..she's now set on a sapphire color, i can do dat, lmao..now jus hafta map out a hair color n plan...
ok so...da next day timmy hadda bithday party fer one of his lil preschool girlfriends (mr stud has so many,lol)...this ones at chuck e cheese, its like on da brink of a snowstorm n i'm set firmly dat i'm takin him...(i feel so bad when da older kids go ta parties n timmy can't)...so we go, da furkin place wuz packed n only 3 otha kids from class showed, lmao....i wuz actually happy we went fer dat poor lil girl...n timmy had fun, i didn't even lose him once,lol...so then da storm starts...i grab him n we leave, but i hadda stop at da grocery store fer a few things....so we pull in n its packed...i find a spot dat i can pull up right through so dat i'm not backin out...i turn...a car parks in da spot in front of me dat i wuz gonna pull into...now mind u i'm a quarter in this spot...i gotta reverse..it's slick cuz of da snow n slush....i start ta back up n almost hit a guy.....who wuz it?...ya remember when muh oldest went ova ta his friends house n i called his father creepy dad?......it wuz him......he looked pissed, i wuz sooo embarrassed but tried ta hide muh face...lmaoooo...trailin him were his 3 boys dat all look exactly like chucky from those horror movies...so i gotta get out...n they're parked a cpl spaces up n over.....i get out n get timmy, have muh list in muh hand...it falls, n its windy......it starts flyin away over...over...over....i'm within sight now but still tryin ta hide.....i get da furkin list...then i'm tinkerin wiff a yu gi oh thing timmy got...creepy dad starts talkin from his car window he had rolled down ..."you're alexs mom right?"......"yeah"..."i thought so, they said ya weren't".."oh...yes i am"...ok gotta go byeeeeee,lol....i walked away still so embarrassed i almost ran ova creepy dad....i wuz worried da kids would tell alex i tryed killin their dad, lmaooo....but even still i'm laffin...it wuz kinda funny..LOL..now iffen only i can run down da otha creepy dad from timmys preschool...oh muh lawd he gives me da creeps, da way he looks ya jus kno he's schemin...lol...
ok so...(get yer depends)...timmy started his alphabet in school..they decided fer show n tell dat each kid should bring in sumfin dat starts wiff their letter of da week..so on A week n knowin alex has every beanie baby known ta man thanks ta da motherlesbianinlaw, i asked..."alex do u have an anteater?"...at exactly da same time i asked dat da movie star says.."u have an ardvark?"...so i fired back ta da movie star.."no really i'd much rather have him bring an anteater, its something he knows"...gary says ta me.."yer kiddin me right?"...n knowin i said sumfin stupid i'm like.."wut?"...he then procedes ta inform me dat imma idiot cuz they are da same thing..LMFAO..i honestly had no idea..i'm like.."oh no they're not..."...n he's insistin they are...so i say.."but anteaters have da long nose...Aurthur (pbs kid show,lol) is an arvark and does NOT have a long nose..."...he's crackin up n says he knows n its still da same thing..LMAO...i let it go but knew it'd come back ta haunt me...
timmys birthday party wuz fer da most part a success, he wanted school kids but i decided ta wait til next year fer dat, so i invited just family...an hour before da party bout 10 people were stricken suddenly wiff various excuses as ta why they weren't coming...pissed me off...but the die hard attendees would be there...he got tons of spiderman shit..n i say shit cuz u can always count on da movie stars brood of goofball friends ta supply da crazy shit...he got a spiderman web slinger thing dat shoots silly string from danny...wiff 3 extra cans of "ammo" ...n wut did da movie star do?...well he loaded it up n let timmy have at it...LOL...there wuz silly string everywhere inside muh house n yes, i made da movie star clean it all up...n from 3 rooms away i hear.."ARDVARK"...jackass ...he hadda explain why i wuz turnin red n laffin...so now da whole ardvark story iz public knowledge, n da ballbuster brood ridiculed me all day, lmao...
cpl nights before muh birthday i decided ta call da movie star on da way home n remind him ta go ta da store...he answered, then hung up on me ...then called me from da store...i had him get a cpl things ta go wiff dinner then asked him iffen he could run across da street ta da movie store ta check on a movie fer me...he kinda gave me shit bout it, totally unlike him, then said ok...so he gets home n gathers up da kids...i knew sumfin wuz up...lol...cakie comes runnin out ta da kitchen n says..."mom u got a present"...LOL...so i wuz then instructed ta be taken into da kids room ta stay til he called fer us...so then we're called out, theres sumfin under a blanket... (i knew it hadda be a kitten...lil background info..i have always wanted a pure black kitten all muh life...always bitched i haven't gotten one too, lmao)...so i left up da blanket n theres a black kitten in da lil carrier...awwwww, i wuz so excited, but da thing wuz petrified...lol...n Peanut our otha cat wuz hissin at da poor thing like ya wouldn't believe...fer like 5 days they were nicknamed "the estrogen twins"...LOL...i'm good fer nicknames, LMAO...she had like 3 names b4 we came ta an agreement...first she wuz Snowball...then Marshmallow (i'm twisted, u knew dat)...then i saw a commercial fer Oreo's...she then became known az Oreo...LOL...she's scared ta death of da kids still, stays downstairs all day n comes up at night right afta da kids go ta bed,lol...very cuddly then, lmao...she'll get used ta it..unless she's jus a vampiress cat...which ya neva kno wiff me,lol...muh mom came out dat following sunday fer her afta church pee,lol..n she loves her,lol...she asks me tho.."did you get her from the pond?"..."the pond???..LOL'"...she caught herself dat time tho, n says.."listen to me like she's a fish, i meant the pound"..LOL...yeah mom..LOL...get a clue...
da actual birthday wuz nice...kids baked me a cake, da movie star n i went out fer italian food...nuttin too special but wuz nice all in all....happy ta say i did not get any other panties from da motherlesbianinlaw...LMAO!...n i wuz thrilled wiff muh kitten...
how can i not talk bout this furkin weather?..omg its sooo cold...wuz like -25 last week er' some shit...today its gonna be 27 degrees..woohooo HEATWAVE!!!!..lol...our swiss family robinson woodstove has been kickin daily,lol...i don't like wearin clothes heavier than a t shirt er' tank top...u kno dat,lol...i've come a long way...i jus learned how ta make a fire last winter, lmao...n once last year when i ran outta starter fire things i thought up a brilliant idea...i don't know anyone wiff an L beginnin their last name so i like a rocket scientist tore out all da L's in phone book n crumpled em up n put em all ova da inside of da stove wiff da firewood......nuffin happened cept' some of em burned ...so when da movie star came home n fired it up he's like..."why are their pages of da phone book in here?.."...LMFAO...oh shup, seemed like a good idea...lmao...he jus says.."u idiot!...."...i tell ya i'm good fer laughs...lol
dat pretty much brings ya up ta speed...i'm still on da go wiff taxi'in..this week especially since we're makin up fer no school all last week on account of no heat...they heated da school one day wiff da ovens open...i wuz NOT cool wiff dat...i trust em but ummm NO!...i'm also happy ta inform ya'll dat last friday da movie star n i went shoppin fer a new recliner, lmao...we got a chaise thing actually...will fit da whole furkin family,lol...we're testin out all these chairs n da guy had a killer lisp...we would make fun of him when he wuzn't lookin... gary says..of course when "bob" iz not in ear range..dat we needed sumfin ta furk on...LOL...n when "bob" wuz within range i said we needed sumfin dat muh mom could get out of...LMFAO!...i wuz goin fer da shock value of dat but its not far from da truth..it iz true actually...LOL...can't wait ta get it...kids are excited too n i'm jus happy its not dat oversized office chair..LOL.......this saturday we're goin out ta diner wiff a friend of da movie stars..this guys older, only a friend cuz gary helped him restore some old car...i've talked ta him alot on da phone cuz he talks more than a girl, n i've seen him a few times..once at his house afta swimmin n he wuz in his swim shorts..PLEASE GET DAT IMAGE OUTTA MUH HEAD!...lol...he's goofy n has hair dat makes ya wanna ruffle it up ta see iffen its a hairpiece..this should be interesting...neva met his wife..oh joy i'm so lookin forward ta this......otha than dat, we have valentines parties, muh anniversary (yes its on valentines day..all togetha now..AWWWWWW,LOL)...n a field trip wiff preschool ta da post office WOOHOO...ya feelin muh sarcasm?..lol...i'm layin it on purty thick here!...i did sign muh life away to Edible Ecstasy...i ordered muh "kit"...hopefully i'll be up n runnin fairly soon..will take a lil more time tho...wish me a fortune..i still have doubts but keep hearin da movie star.."worse case scenario, u'll have a whole lotta new toys"..LOL...there iz always Ebay!!!...LMAO...
omg okay, i'm exhausted n needa go relax muh hand..good thing i "played" yesterday cuz ya'll tired muh furkin hand out today, lmfao...take care n see ya'll in da room...
coopy
I'm so NOT proofreadin, spell checkin er' nuffin..interpret on ya own,lol....luvs ya..LOL
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